Thursday, May 27, 2004
A surge of overshadowing emotions
Antagonism
Honestly, I can't brook all of the derisions,
regardless of whether they hold verity or not.
It's pulverizing all sang-froid I had built up before.
It's discordant and exasperating.
Well, if you think disparaging my aspiration or whichever
is somehow pleasurable and of mirth,
stash that thought away from me, conceal it too.
So that I wouldn't have to start grating on it or you.
It is a damnit prod.
A fucking hurting one.
Apprehension
I have yet to hear from you.
The fear is jolting every fraction of my palid bones.
It's fucking nerve-jangling.
I'd rather hear your snivels than hear naught.
I feel completely inept and feeble.
Someone please tell me you're alright.
Langourous
If only I had the fortitude to be assiduous.
That's all I need as of right now.
Everyone's fucking mugging and swotting up on work
while I'm here dwelling in my castle in the sky.
It's my bluidy O levels.
How much longer will it take to actually jab that into
my brain, which is seemingly dead to the world??
Ugh, Electricute me.
I hate all these sentiments.
I want to be antipathetic.
10:15 PM
Slippers- happy, sweet, and adorable, you are well
loved by everyone. People cannot help but like
you. You love to be surrounded by people that
love you, who- in your case- is anyone.
What Kind of Shoe Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
You are a child's kiss. Completely sweet and
innocent and pure. You mean no harm and only
love in your sweet kisses.
What kind of kiss are you? brought to you by Quizilla
Wahahaha, I'm such an angel. :D
7:03 PM
If only there was an equilibrium in love.
11:27 AM
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Mom's Love
When you were 1, she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night long.
When you were 2, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away whenever she called.
When you were 3, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by colouring the dining table.
When you were 5, she dressed you for the holidays.
You thanked her by plopping into the nearest.
When you were 6, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming "I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!"
When you were 7, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the neighbour's window.
When you were 8, she handed you an ice-cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9, she paid for your piano lessons.
You thanked her by never bothering to practice.
When you were 10, she drove you all day from east to west.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car without looking back.
When you were 11, she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking her to sit in a different row.
When you were 12, she warned you not to watch certain tv shows.
You thanked her by waiting for her to get outta the house.
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut.
You thanked her by saying she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important phonecall.
You thanked her by being on the phone the entire night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying till dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying goodbye outside the dorm so that you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 20, she asked if you're seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying "It's none of your business."
When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future.
You thanked her by saying "I don't want to be like you."
When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking her to pay for your trip to Europe.
When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling all your friends it was ugly.
When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling at her, "Muuhh-ther, please!"
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, cried and told you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30, she called with some advice on your baby.
You thanked her by saying "Things are different now."
When you were 40, she called you to remind you of a relative's birthday.
You thanked her by saying you're "really busy right now."
When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by thinking that parents are a burden to their children.
And then, One day, she quietly left.
And you realised you never thanked her appropriately,
never did all the things you should have done..
Don't you think Mothers are one of the most pitiable beings on Earth? :(
8:52 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
I was inebriated yesterday.
Whatever I said, is nothing but pure gibberish.
I morphed beyond recognition.
Into something I couldn't be acquainted with nor comprehend.
It's the accepted normality, yet I can't acknowledge it.
WHAT THE MOMO IS WRONG WITH ME?!
i wonder.
Well, whatever that happened yesterday,
stayed behind the lines of yesterday.
It's a new day today
and I shall enjoy it in everyway!
Woohoo, lousy poem by the way.
Wah liewzx.
I loathe talking to myself ehx.
Mimomameeshit.
11:34 AM
Thursday, May 20, 2004
I earnestly need to cut my hair.
what hairstyle though?
any suggestions????
sigh, its getting unruly and irrepressible.
Love is an accidental tragedy,
an overseen calamity,
and which only fools can see.
:)
I have to desist
that thought.
belle necessitates for h e l p .
8:25 PM
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
ANDREA HUI CHING WAN!
You are gonna get slapped!
You dugong-face twirp!
Smack you then you know arh!
You stupid -love-to-muack-muack-papers- girl.
6:52 PM
Monday, May 17, 2004
I feel..
stupid.
I seriously need to work,
but i can't. i'm too.. slothful?
(hurhur, now im a sloth =/)
Everyone seems so erudite on chink now
and i'm still trudging behind.
well..
fuck you la, im an indian. =/
11:56 PM
You are such a soad.
Do you not know that?
Well, now you do.
You soady toad.
8:43 PM
Belle does not like msging people who won't reply my msges.
should belle elaborate further?
no, belle thinks she should not.
what's with belle nattering to herself lately?
She has not a clue.
See, she's reiterating it again.
Anyway, belle did not attend school.
Astonishingly, no one slayed her for that.
Belle have to commence on swotting up for chinko.
It's only a sheer total of 14days away! urks.
Belle's gonna drone a mantra of 'A1's everyday.
YET, she's relishing in indolence as of right now
and she has to be at a chalet this weekend.
Belle needs to have fervent fortitude.
Belle needs to be assiduous.
Belle needs serious help. =/
and I sound appallingly hedonistic.
12:01 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I was perusing through letters last night.
and that was definitely side-splitting!
Each person's letters had a different impact on me.
like..
Wanyi's.
I couldn't restrain my lips from curving the whole time.
The words of saccharine and mirth.
Dearly miss the times we shared back then.
Just wish time could actually be retraced.
She's such a darling, one I'll always love. :)
Emily's
We used to write hoards of letters to each other.
But I only managed to salvage a few!!
Sigh, I'm absolutely heartwrenched.
Those were one of my fondest memories. :(
Nonetheless, she'll
always have that special place. :)
Andrea's
Well, like always, she recurrently makes me feel appreciated.
Although I have only received a couple of letters,
they were given to me when we were not the closest of friends.
plus, we did not converse as much back then.
Thank God for her. :)
Changitty chang's
Hahaha! YOUR LETTERS AR. -__-
It's scrawled, and well.. illegible? LOL.
BUT, if i could actually decipher what is being said,
its simply uproarious!
all our whines and kvetches, plus dirty lil secrets.
Well, i'd never be able to be where i am without her. :)
Rachel's
Oh my goodness la. Her letters are just soad.
hahaha. All the gibberish is stated in there.
Not to mention, all the shit she used to draw.
Hahahaha, her letters are excruciatingly hilarious.
You're such a
lovable idiot, do you know that? lol.
Sasa's
hmmm. I hope she's not that infantile as before.
actually, she is still as cracked and kiddy, yes?
Having to once over these letters brought back
memories, laughter, outrageous moments ensued with fun.
I've already thanked her. :b
Jialing's
Words of astuteness and encouragement.
She could never be a better friend.
Although time has strained our propinquity,
its never far enough to diminish what i have for her. :)
This entry will never fizzle out if I were to state everyone.
Whatever it is, I'm terrifically thankful for each and every
memory etched into the bits and bobs of my life.
Thank you all. :)
3:20 PM
verbatim
me : you don't have to know the next part.
henry : whattt
me : you're very nosey eh.
henry : Of course. I am your BROTHER.
henry : seee! I hit a sensitive chord right!
me : what sensitive chord?!
henry : now you're feeling guilty????
verbatim
oh my goodness, belt up la HENRY.
HAHAHAHA.
That idiot always cracks me up. :D
1:01 AM
Everytime I wanna type an entry for Cher,
I'll renounce half way through.
In the end, leaving the entry with only 1 sentence.
"To Cher." =/
12:45 AM
Saturday, May 15, 2004
I wanted to splash out money for you today.
Actually, I have been contemplating to get you smth for a long while.
But recently, you've hit the jacks and obtained affluence,
whilst i'm putrefying into a destitute.
so.. another time perhaps? ohwell.
Just like the paradox of what lies before me,
with the immaculate blend of the black sky and white stars.
An untainted spark that glistens whenever I look into your eyes,
astoundingly tones with the dark anonymity of myself.
As though every flaw was ordained,
and has been recompensed with another.
Irrefutably an amazing marvel. :)
However, our disparities seem to collide at certain intervals
whereby negligence and despondency percolates me.
Sometimes, even the timing is just not apposite.
Starkness is all i clutch onto when you're not in my environs.
Perhaps i am excessively protective and reliant on you.
Naw aw, not good.
I should be self-sufficient, right? right.
Whatsoever it is..
I have never regretted loving you.
Do not harbour intents of diminishing any part of it.
Have always loved you.
and I promise I will, until perpetuity ends. :)
11:37 PM
Yesterday
Watched Troy.
It was one of the better motion pictures I've caught this year.
Too straggly at the beginning though.
Other than that, I enjoyed the skirmishing and sexiness of the movie.
A fairly superlative show.
Spent an approximate amount of $150.
- bought hl's present
- treated xinying to dinner.
- bought berms
- bought shirt
- watched movie
Twigged life's fragility
All thanks to my dear friend, xinying.
who blatantly identified my chronic predicament,
with consideration that each of my infirmity
inadvertently correspond to the symptoms of kidney failure.
wow, that prodded through me with incredulity and amusement.
not to mention, apprehension and trepidation.
well with all that, I conceive that I sound daft and inane.
Or perhaps, I am. -twisted smile-
1:50 PM
Friday, May 14, 2004
Spinning in my head.
Sukiyaki - 4pm
Into Dust - Mazzy star
How good can it be - The 88
I'm Shakin' - Rooney
Just a ride - Jem
Maybe I'm amazed - Jem
More than a friend - Michael learns to rock.
Ghost of you - Michael learns to rock
Emily's Song - Bbmak
If I fall - Kavana
Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
The Reason - Hoobastank
King of wishful thinking - Go west
1:06 PM
I lost my hamster. :(
it's somewhere in my room though,
it had better scram out after masturbating with my furniture.
Well, another 8 more hours to my final paper.
and here i am, procrastinating yet again
with 12984367834 more mind-numbing chapters to cover.
okay that was clearly making a moutain outta of a molehill.
I love idioms. don't you?
okay, belt the fuck up, belle.
Can't wait for 15hrs to whiz by!
at least, i hope it would. =/
Am primed for my movie marathon and shopping spree!
The furtherance of my swotting will recommence on.. monday?
must, must,
MUST.
and
Semm! we're supposed to study together. :(
12:43 AM
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Sometimes
Memories so amorous would clutch onto my susceptible psyche
heaving me back to where I underwent inexorable relished frailty.
inducing me never wanting to regress back to the realm of reality.
and I just want to reside in your arms again.
If ever you're in my arms again
This time, I'll love you much better
If ever you're in my arms again
This time, I'll hold you forever
This time, we'll never end.
1:25 PM
today's outlandish endeavours
- woke up at 3am (without an alarm) and recommenced on swotting.
- strangely wedged amid 2 well, er, bestfriends?
- became her hugging object. =/
- colin saw me alight frm 165 and said i looked like a lil girl.
- asinine bus driver stuck his tongue out at me.
- who is Marshall Mathers?
- unearthed a best friend whom has always been there.
(well, maybe only to be flippant around.)
- my bro washed my feet for me. (he scraped my skin off!)
- brother pulled
down his socks.
heehee, i love my brother. :B
11:42 AM
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
THIS IS A WARNING FOR ANDREA HUI.
1. Do NOT insult pipi further or else..
(explicit content could not be revealed due to certain unbearable consequences.)
2. Do NOT steal what's rightfully MINE.
( She Loves
ME, not you. )
10:10 PM
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Leave my brother alone.
10:06 PM
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
For Sem.
I wanna make you smile,
whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
Oh, all i wanna do, is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you,
Give you my coat when you are cold,
need you, feed you.
I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man who grows old with you.
I wanna grow old with you. :)
11:01 PM
I'm deliberating the fact that I'm tetchy.
Okay fine, I am.
And perhaps too prickly,
kicking big kerfuffles outta zilch.
and having that as part of my moral fibre is rueful.
I'm gonna be penitent to all my demeanours.
HAH. Belle is such an idiot.
10:51 PM
Today.
Happy Swweeet Sixteenth, Xinying!
Someone whom i detest
ed immensely but well,
God does miracles, amen?!
this imbecile actually believed that I forgot her birthday,
and got exceedingly upset over it. haha!
I'll never forget la dodokukubrain.
Can't wait to spend friday with you and merser. :)
Realisation today
despondency is but a distance,
whenever I converse with Andrea.
I'm musing Why.
Maybe she's just uncannily bizzare.
precisely why she's so dear, aint it? :)
It is likely comfirmatory I flunked my papers.
Well, what do you expect from studying 5mins before each paper?
A F9 grade. Indubitably.
10:22 PM
Monday, May 10, 2004
The below entry is not for comprehension
For me, it has always been you.
Only you? In all probability.
Conversely, for you, there's him, her, they, whoever.
Well, I have been coming to grips with that.
My suppression has been rather effectual as can be seen.
I know it's impracticable to attain what I have actually
pencilled in the visual rendering of my castle in air,
but perhaps the cardiac ventricles are pumping too dynamically
for me to have a sway over certain fervours .
Sometimes in my flight of fancy,
I would be inclined towards having more..
indulgence? consciousness? sensitivity?
Then again, I can't revolutionize who I love,
or else it wouldn't be true predilection, would it?
It's just intolerably onerous sometimes.
-shrugs. I'm just undeniably vulnerable.
8:18 PM
Rachel : Thank You for loving me. :)
and for appreciating what I can possibly do for you
thats actually within my reach. (you know abt the growth prob)
its, well, GOOD to know that someone appreciates your worth.
Without you, I would never be the same either.
Being able to just be your friend, talk to you,
be there when you need someone, and of course have FUN,
is one of the finest blessings that rained on me.
You've always been someone i could open up to,
a rarity since I can be rather tentative
when it comes to divulging my vile attributes.
Not everyone can take the grosteque manifestation yes?
anyway, IN SHORT, I love you so darn much too. :)
oh btw, i LOVE your blog too.
good job on that. ;d
7:21 PM
Sunday, May 09, 2004
On the brink of snoozing.
1 message received.
That triggered it.
I'm outta the sacks.
Came online.
Everyone's status "away".
Those available were engaged
I took my chances.
Gratified to be greeted with a ripcoste.
Tears were swimming.
I necessitate for an outlet.
Finally.
Someone was disposed to hear my cogitations
After such a long while.
Cogitations that were barely heard.
A dormant volcano erupted.
Not with livid lava but with forlorn liquor.
My quandaries unresolved but mollified.
I am undeniably fortunate to have her.
The only one who pins her ears back for me.
You've been the best, flo.
Thank you for Everything.
2:21 AM
Saturday, May 08, 2004
I'm bestowed with an indubitable remarkable friend.
Whom of course, is dubbed
Herng Liang.
Thanks for cheering me up, bro. :)
11:14 PM
Test Results of "What does your personality rate from 1-10?"
Your first full name : Isabelle Tan
Your personality rates a :10,000,000 damn you suck
Your best quality is : your style
Your worst quality is : you start conflicts alot
This is because : other people influenced you
Right, I have no clue what's with the cosmic figure above.
Is that supposed to be bad or good? =/
9:54 PM
I need to let it out of my system.
but which soul would fervently listen?
I'm morphing into the quintessence of a rancorous schrizophrenic.
9:32 PM
How do I feel as of right now?
Awful.
Who fathoms it?
Me.
Anybody else?
No.
Why not?
I can't articulate effectively.
Did I try?
Yes.
Who listened?
Cheryl.
And then?
Perspectives clashed.
Thus?
I'll grapple it within me.
12:22 PM
Every blog i visit has 1 or more entries dedicated to her.
recognizing the virtuousity and magnificence of her,
and how her presence truly affects everyone of us.
Candidly, i'm starting to get perturbed by it.
Every single pop-up from msn is "we'll miss you", "rest in peace"
and it incites me to switch off the monitor to evade these things.
just shut the fuck up, will you?
It's always when someone is gone, then you appreciate her significance.
Why? then, you'd start to cherish those around you.
Soon, wounds will heal and you'll eventually disregard the whole issue.
and the vicious cycle will recommence its gyrating again.
Enlighten me again, do the dead hear or see loving accolades?
When they do, please inform me.
I have yet to thank her for where I stand today.
Meanwhile, I'll save it till I see her again.
I know I will.
11:25 AM
Friday, May 07, 2004
Numbness slinking in on me.
I feel anaesthetized.
I feared her at 13.
I detested her at 14.
My abhorrence persisted through 15.
Callous and unsympathetic I am deemed to be.
but emotions are churning in a conflicting direction.
It is a bizarre indecipherable irony.
Is it then possible to hate someone and not want her gone?
I've worked shrugging off indolence to prove my worth,
intention of corroborating her gaffe as i acclimatized alone.
Brilliant, your departure was too unpredictable
leaving no path available for my vengeance to gait on.
dissipating it into the bleak aura that hangs still.
It is undeniable that you've attained a tower of respect,
irrefutable that you've enlightened me in the harshest ways,
etching your silhouette into the bits and bobs of my life.
Inadvertently unforgotten, always will.
3:58 PM
Monday, May 03, 2004
I always feel
good after talking to andrea.
reason being?? hmmm, beats me.
she just has an extraordinary indecipherable attribute
that I have always been gratified for.
Thanks dear. :)
12:29 AM
